neonlike's Blog

My darling... at night we were taming the sea together, you told me it was my emotions. Now I am sitting and listening to washing machines and meditating on us. Putting on clean clothing I will think about how the sea worked me, so that I become pure, the sea of our hearts. These waves are such good communication, these waves are so good for art... Accompany me at my daily prayers, be there... We'll make art together. I want You! I want You! Come closer to me, we'll dive together into the sea of Love!

I felt a lot of guilt towards You... I feel I have been too knocked out to reach out to You and this was so devastating. It's horrible what loss of contact can do, I relied a lot on Your understanding of my goes without saying...Even though my debilitated state made it almost impossible to be otherwise -  I want to actively make it up to You... My sweetheart, my love...

What would be the feeling of keys on your hands? Keys to absolutely anything... I am pretty sure it would be a good massage. And your head wakes up, and your senses are back. Keys to absolutely anything. Hands for absolutely anything.
Being a Master. Being with keys. And me having a very good telephone.

I took a shower in such relief... It's the end of the day. I feel it was worth living. I have people who care about me express themselves today, and I love them endlessly... I feel like taking Your hand and closing my eyes. The shower still working. Hues of light green and lemon yellow are still vivid in my memory... They are what calm and water embrace in, they are my right type of sound, like a favorite domestic plant... I want to come close r to You. I feel there is some kind of step to take. Some kind of precise gesture. I will tend to my heart like to a cosmic garden, where things actually achieve fruition, a place far beyond the stereotype of existence. The shower was so good, it's a descending river, it's active serenity... I love You... '' I'll see You''... And I promise the garden to be a frequent visitor

People are very kind inside...  Why do they screw up so badly?
I want to start making very good songs for people, so that they have mental vacations. Some music can make you more apt to express yourself. Some music acts like a perfect diamond in put in the right opening. What do we have for music? Does our receptivity resembles an incomplete puzzle, a clean vessel or a disorderly house?

Personally, I composed several songs for You and I hope You will like them... Open Your arms, I am sharpening myself together with my binoculars... I will be ready to search You again very soon, as soon as I overcome anxiety and all that is related to it. I am scared... Scared of life. If my phone doesn't work, try to come into my dreams. I have a very weak consciousness in my sleep, so try to wake me up into the right perception. I love You. Please don't doubt me.

Depression used to be associated with grey color. And it's pain I wanted to explore escapes of: how to get to a sincere happy smile. Then I realized grey can be explored as is. Designers make grey jewelry; people live in grey buildings, live to the point where their exterior facade becomes irrelevant; animals are born grey. It's beings with with intricate mind and soul belonging to grey and something pushed them to be born this way. And so I have a world when I am depressed. And never shall I be alone.

The notion of persona is intrinsically linked to the process of designing spaces. The architect is constantly placing himself/herself into the persona of the user that will eventually . Lines on a piece of paper or a virtual image on the screen of a computer represent potential spaces in real space time. During the creative process the architect is constantly walking through imagined spaces, taking on the persona of the “average user”. The concept or scenario, which is defined as a person's interaction with a system, is also of importance in architectural design, as Carrol notes, “scenarios can encourage reflection during design. A building or a public space can be considered a collection of spaces which are in themselves systems within larger systems. Often I have found myself imagining possible situations involving the functionality of a building as a system.

Nick F.

I was out of touch for a while, then I got manic on a song called ''Gun”.* I get anchors and anchors to keep me in touch and anchors and anchors to keep me manic. In the midst of anxiety the dangerously calm side of me can still override everything and give me a pause from efficiency obsession and bodyguard ticks. It's useful for recharging and all becomes safe. Safe to the point to make me manic... I pray... Prayer is the two in one prayer is balance.

I was trying to understand how paranoia can affect circumstances. What is better, stay alert and bodyguard God Himself or take a pill and the paranoia is gone together with consciousness? Well, I thought I'm crazy...

 more about the phenomenon called ''day''. I have a day which resembles a contemporary painting with lots of white. The actual elements are written with a pencil, and of course flashes of glamouros flourescent and affection from loved ones. These are my sevens. How to know if a day actually won?..

I live in some kind of magical reality. I  remember so many people hinting to me about You. Some talk explicitly, but that is rather rare. I feel the more things I cover in the city, the more I pay attention to things I can outline, the more magical it becomes, and I am in it, and I am so lucky.
I remember finding a yellow tulip with a small stem on the road. I put it in a puddle to drink water and helped it to lean against the sidewalk edge. I asked it to copy its perception into me. It was like one of the most high moments; I used to write my most fine and audacious poems to You in a state like this.

'What the city does.' There are so many people and  some have more than one flower in their day. I saw a friend of mine follow a nice bird of the pigeon specie. I don't know exactly what the bird as transmitting to him, but these moments are no doubt precious. It's a certain 'in touch' that leads to You and me. It's when our fingers touch...
I love You forever.

A day of doubts... Am I the person am supposed to be? Am I making it? Some social contact yesterday made me more reassured and less wild. I was about to lose myself, but then I took control and the day reconstructed itself like a very good chain.
What is a very good chain?

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I have a white page syndrom when the day starts. Something stops me from seeing all the possible words I can use the meaning of to fill it with. That`s why the dictionaries, that`s why scrabble, that`s why gambling machines…
I saw blue jewelry the design of which reminds of, or actually is a splitting of a beautiful cell. That`s what I expect to happen when I see words. Possibilities have to split. I want to make sure I develop enough so that it happens without coffee. I am getting more and more broke and coffee is a probability that happens when you have money or chance.
I love You so much...
You speak to me sometimes…
:)

''I am gonna write a book for You and...'' I LOVE YOU, BABY! I love You! I love You so much! Please never doubt me! I want to do something for You that will make You happy, I am just very disturbed. I had too many nightmares that overwhelmed me with anxiety and I died... PLEASE... BE SAFE...

Today I thought of cutting out cars from the magazines, so I can efficiently hypnotize myself into being this or the other model. I want to know exactly what it means to be BMW or Honda. The main thing is to roll properly, and for that I need a lot of energy, and if there is no energy, I just want to be successful at offline unmanteling of a heavy bomb. It's too general to call that bomb depression. If I really use my inner eyeglasses, it really consists of things done hastily, the state of the hearts around me and forgetting to pray.
I love You, baby... Connect to me as soon as You feel there is an opening in my consciousness.

I badly need guidance, like: how to start the day. This one I started clumsily as if it's not a homework for God, as if it's nothing to be returned to. I don't know what kind of emptiness it is today. Some kind of lack of content.
I feel very badly disconnected from reality and beings. I want God to help me connect properly.
You are a gentleman. You always take me by the hand. I love You forever.
Say something in my sky.

I was very wrecky at life, but recently I met a lot of people that know how.
Love is very interesting. It can be sifted in lots of colors. People explain colors. Then I have my family confirming to me. I am basically an artist, so I know one of the colors outlets. Then there's botany, table of elements, auras, sounds...

I was given a book on wildlife for examination. I started to underline wolves. I am a very vulnerable beginner. I want You to hold me tight and forgive me if I ever made mistakes...
I really cry...

  You know in French dolphin would be "dauphin" no "L".  I am in gloves. Black gloves.  My hands would outsmart any greyscale. I used to be very gestural. Now I have nerve alarms and I don't remember what the fuck they were after the conversation.  Study complexity and you die. You get someone demystified and you get even more silent. How I love my family. How I love you How badly I go with out saying...
I really cry.

I can't handle it. Lots of stuff to do.  It has to be unforgettable. I am so tired today...It takes at least 7 unforgettable elements. Includes whole day in the 7.  It's been days I was battling.
 Master:  "Remember those you made you talked about?"
Remember.

I have trees in my house. Can ask them things, can talk. Recently asked master what a fruit is.  Once the answer was something like "wallet" but not placed one strategic in earthly sense of the word.  I get a pound of blueberries from mom and notice they are blue for some reason, they always were...ally on a prayer I wrote as if it was a separate plant.  I was worried for you very heavily these days...If someone bothers you, let me know explicitly. I'll give them a vacation from earth.  Your body guard in practice.  Dog McMurphy.  

PS: I an still a wreck and I consciously asked o be locked in a desert so that my attention doesn't scatter.  Now there's a kind of safety to be worked on.  I am very good at threats. There are missing details. Well.I exhausted my mind so much that I had to work in trance.  When I woke up I realized somebody was intently looking at me.so alien and so catatonic.