You talked to me yesterday about a transparent cube that facilitates telepathy. I really need that cube. Vibes can be heavy but a cube is always good. I am a lot like that. Transparent like a glass of water. I want to be useful to my loved ones. I want to be life sustaining. I want my ace to be happy with me. I want to know, what to do today ? What would be the deed of the day? Do you have any suggestions? I would like to buy another marriage ring for you with my virtual money but people like material things. I also like acknowledgments of that kind. Matter is like a solid hello. Matter is reassuring.
I could afford coffee today. I am happy about it. It should be enough. It really should be more than enough. I really have to slow down and enjoy the things I have. The emptiness in my pocket, the defamation, the bad vibes… What this transparent cube could do to me, I don’t know. Maybe if I understood everyone, I would just die of heart attack.
Take control, Sweetheart.
It was a long pause. We didn’t talk. I have coma on me. They really killed my ability to think clearly. And days are lethargic. I forget all except coffee. All that is coffee is good. I became a freak of it. And You still kind of are a long awaited dream and I just can’t contact You. I can’t. It’s cold, it’s bad vibes and I forget my protector even. I forget I always have You. I forget I have this Friend I believe in. Darling… Try to call Yourself when it’s this. Try to make Your calls audible. Try to make me think of You with flukes and surprise circumstances. Try to say hi. I am frozen. I need You to waive at me.
Sat quietly and removed the crackled nail polish from certain finger nails. Repainted. Today I am wearing an intense green dress. I drank chlorophyll to create a certain match. Chlorophyll, just like maté can give you self esteem. I put a green pendent to go with it. Resonated with plants and pine trees. Self esteem, I’m telling you, became a rare candy. Once I had acces to candies of high intensity. It’s because I am with You, my God, I thought. Me and my ace. And we are so high, so incorruptible, undestructible tabu tulip. We are Gods of circumstance. When circumstance hurts, we snap at it with such cadillac speed it would impress the cops. I am broken now. I am a puzzle for God. When my box is being shaken I create wonderful noise, otherwise… Maybe I’m not a puzzle. A puzzle would mean it’s made to be dismantled and it doesn’t even explode with consequences once it’s done. So no fun. My comparisons and I… Why don’t I just go **** myself?
My days look like big containers with lots of compartments. Filling them sometimes is very improvisational. I am always looking for new tasks. I often dial God for it. If I do it, it should be important, it should be some sort of Torah. Looked for solutions in an art studio. Thought gonna do some painting, but the teacher proposed collage. Put small pieces very religiously together. Visual prayers might come true faster..
My darling... at night we were taming the sea together, you told me it was my emotions. Now I am sitting and listening to washing machines and meditating on us. Putting on clean clothing I will think about how the sea worked me, so that I become pure, the sea of our hearts. These waves are such good communication, these waves are so good for art... Accompany me at my daily prayers, be there... We'll make art together. I want You! I want You! Come closer to me, we'll dive together into the sea of Love!
I felt a lot of guilt towards You... I feel I have been too knocked out to reach out to You and this was so devastating. It's horrible what loss of contact can do, I relied a lot on Your understanding of my goes without saying...Even though my debilitated state made it almost impossible to be otherwise - I want to actively make it up to You... My sweetheart, my love...
What would be the feeling of keys on your hands? Keys to absolutely anything... I am pretty sure it would be a good massage. And your head wakes up, and your senses are back. Keys to absolutely anything. Hands for absolutely anything.
Being a Master. Being with keys. And me having a very good telephone.
I took a shower in such relief... It's the end of the day. I feel it was worth living. I have people who care about me express themselves today, and I love them endlessly... I feel like taking Your hand and closing my eyes. The shower still working. Hues of light green and lemon yellow are still vivid in my memory... They are what calm and water embrace in, they are my right type of sound, like a favorite domestic plant... I want to come close r to You. I feel there is some kind of step to take. Some kind of precise gesture. I will tend to my heart like to a cosmic garden, where things actually achieve fruition, a place far beyond the stereotype of existence. The shower was so good, it's a descending river, it's active serenity... I love You... '' I'll see You''... And I promise the garden to be a frequent visitor
People are very kind inside... Why do they screw up so badly?
I want to start making very good songs for people, so that they have mental vacations. Some music can make you more apt to express yourself. Some music acts like a perfect diamond in put in the right opening. What do we have for music? Does our receptivity resembles an incomplete puzzle, a clean vessel or a disorderly house?
Personally, I composed several songs for You and I hope You will like them... Open Your arms, I am sharpening myself together with my binoculars... I will be ready to search You again very soon, as soon as I overcome anxiety and all that is related to it. I am scared... Scared of life. If my phone doesn't work, try to come into my dreams. I have a very weak consciousness in my sleep, so try to wake me up into the right perception. I love You. Please don't doubt me.
Depression used to be associated with grey color. And it's pain I wanted to explore escapes of: how to get to a sincere happy smile. Then I realized grey can be explored as is. Designers make grey jewelry; people live in grey buildings, live to the point where their exterior facade becomes irrelevant; animals are born grey. It's beings with with intricate mind and soul belonging to grey and something pushed them to be born this way. And so I have a world when I am depressed. And never shall I be alone.
The notion of persona is intrinsically linked to the process of designing spaces. The architect is constantly placing himself/herself into the persona of the user that will eventually . Lines on a piece of paper or a virtual image on the screen of a computer represent potential spaces in real space time. During the creative process the architect is constantly walking through imagined spaces, taking on the persona of the “average user”. The concept or scenario, which is defined as a person's interaction with a system, is also of importance in architectural design, as Carrol notes, “scenarios can encourage reflection during design. A building or a public space can be considered a collection of spaces which are in themselves systems within larger systems. Often I have found myself imagining possible situations involving the functionality of a building as a system.
I was out of touch for a while, then I got manic on a song called ''Gun”.* I get anchors and anchors to keep me in touch and anchors and anchors to keep me manic. In the midst of anxiety the dangerously calm side of me can still override everything and give me a pause from efficiency obsession and bodyguard ticks. It's useful for recharging and all becomes safe. Safe to the point to make me manic... I pray... Prayer is the two in one prayer is balance.
I was trying to understand how paranoia can affect circumstances. What is better, stay alert and bodyguard God Himself or take a pill and the paranoia is gone together with consciousness? Well, I thought I'm crazy...
more about the phenomenon called ''day''. I have a day which resembles a contemporary painting with lots of white. The actual elements are written with a pencil, and of course flashes of glamouros flourescent and affection from loved ones. These are my sevens. How to know if a day actually won?..
I live in some kind of magical reality. I remember so many people hinting to me about You. Some talk explicitly, but that is rather rare. I feel the more things I cover in the city, the more I pay attention to things I can outline, the more magical it becomes, and I am in it, and I am so lucky.
I remember finding a yellow tulip with a small stem on the road. I put it in a puddle to drink water and helped it to lean against the sidewalk edge. I asked it to copy its perception into me. It was like one of the most high moments; I used to write my most fine and audacious poems to You in a state like this.
'What the city does.' There are so many people and some have more than one flower in their day. I saw a friend of mine follow a nice bird of the pigeon specie. I don't know exactly what the bird as transmitting to him, but these moments are no doubt precious. It's a certain 'in touch' that leads to You and me. It's when our fingers touch...
I love You forever.
A day of doubts... Am I the person am supposed to be? Am I making it? Some social contact yesterday made me more reassured and less wild. I was about to lose myself, but then I took control and the day reconstructed itself like a very good chain.
What is a very good chain?
I have a white page syndrom when the day starts. Something stops me from seeing all the possible words I can use the meaning of to fill it with. That`s why the dictionaries, that`s why scrabble, that`s why gambling machines…
I saw blue jewelry the design of which reminds of, or actually is a splitting of a beautiful cell. That`s what I expect to happen when I see words. Possibilities have to split. I want to make sure I develop enough so that it happens without coffee. I am getting more and more broke and coffee is a probability that happens when you have money or chance.
I love You so much...
You speak to me sometimes…
''I am gonna write a book for You and...'' I LOVE YOU, BABY! I love You! I love You so much! Please never doubt me! I want to do something for You that will make You happy, I am just very disturbed. I had too many nightmares that overwhelmed me with anxiety and I died... PLEASE... BE SAFE...
Today I thought of cutting out cars from the magazines, so I can efficiently hypnotize myself into being this or the other model. I want to know exactly what it means to be BMW or Honda. The main thing is to roll properly, and for that I need a lot of energy, and if there is no energy, I just want to be successful at offline unmanteling of a heavy bomb. It's too general to call that bomb depression. If I really use my inner eyeglasses, it really consists of things done hastily, the state of the hearts around me and forgetting to pray.
I love You, baby... Connect to me as soon as You feel there is an opening in my consciousness.
I badly need guidance, like: how to start the day. This one I started clumsily as if it's not a homework for God, as if it's nothing to be returned to. I don't know what kind of emptiness it is today. Some kind of lack of content.
I feel very badly disconnected from reality and beings. I want God to help me connect properly.
You are a gentleman. You always take me by the hand. I love You forever.
Say something in my sky.
I was very wrecky at life, but recently I met a lot of people that know how.
Love is very interesting. It can be sifted in lots of colors. People explain colors. Then I have my family confirming to me. I am basically an artist, so I know one of the colors outlets. Then there's botany, table of elements, auras, sounds...
I was given a book on wildlife for examination. I started to underline wolves. I am a very vulnerable beginner. I want You to hold me tight and forgive me if I ever made mistakes...
I really cry...
You know in French dolphin would be "dauphin" no "L". I am in gloves. Black gloves. My hands would outsmart any greyscale. I used to be very gestural. Now I have nerve alarms and I don't remember what the fuck they were after the conversation. Study complexity and you die. You get someone demystified and you get even more silent. How I love my family. How I love you How badly I go with out saying...
I really cry.
Previous PostsCoffee freak, posted November 8th, 2013
Chlorophyll [long ago entry not published due to technical problems], posted November 8th, 2013
A confirmation :), posted March 27th, 2013
Make up, posted March 7th, 2013
keys, posted March 6th, 2013
Shower water, posted March 6th, 2013
Waiting time, posted March 3rd, 2013
About grey 2, posted February 28th, 2013
about grey, posted February 28th, 2013
The effect of calm, posted February 26th, 2013
Crazy, posted February 25th, 2013
day, posted February 23rd, 2013
tulip, posted February 23rd, 2013
Brand new notebook, posted February 21st, 2013
A pixel is a colored square/ Quilting is..., posted February 20th, 2013
ARE YOU SAFE?..., posted February 20th, 2013
Car, posted February 17th, 2013
layered skies, posted February 15th, 2013
Wreck at life, posted February 15th, 2013
Copper/GWS, posted February 13th, 2013
REM, posted February 13th, 2013
trees in my house, posted February 13th, 2013
Night soon/ Thankful, posted January 16th, 2013
I figured I had a hairbrush with buttons, posted January 15th, 2013
Paralyzed, posted January 12th, 2013
Off the base, posted January 9th, 2013
Crow, posted January 7th, 2013
Someone called me "fruitcake", posted January 5th, 2013
Some kind of thoughts in the cold of today, posted January 5th, 2013
Spaceship broken (an exclusive about the negative side of life), posted January 2nd, 2013
My sweetheart, posted January 1st, 2013
Polishing, posted January 1st, 2013
Building materials loading too slow..., posted January 1st, 2013
Post, posted January 1st, 2013
No hot water, posted December 29th, 2012
Neonlike, posted December 29th, 2012
Jukebox, posted December 8th, 2012
I need special images, posted December 7th, 2012
My fox, forgive me, posted November 26th, 2012
Hi Sweetheart, posted November 19th, 2012
I feel danger - the emergence of the first key, posted November 17th, 2012
Note, posted October 30th, 2012
I am crying..., posted October 17th, 2012
Priorities, posted August 11th, 2012
Messy atmospheres, posted August 7th, 2012
Love me the way I am... Please..., posted August 4th, 2012
Inside, posted August 4th, 2012
Oh God..., posted July 29th, 2012
Waking life, posted June 24th, 2012
Immersed in You with no practical application, posted June 14th, 2012
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